January 30, 2020 / Wedding
The Fives Wedding - The One Where My Kid Learned The Word Fuck
Oh hi. I’m here to tell you about Nikki and Mike’s The Fives Wedding in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. This is the one where my kid learned the word Fuck. He’s 6. I’m both proud that he didn’t learn it from me until he was SIX and also AMAZED that he didn’t learn it from me or until he was SIX. Like. Win. I’m going to hide my favourite quotes he’s used since learning the word amongst the photos in the post, randomly. Here’s him, probably muttering “fuck” under his breath a bunch. The socks and their position on his ankles were his choice.
I want to preface the whole post with this: We had the BEST TIME during this week away, and everything about the experience and the wedding was absolutely beautiful. Nikki looked like she was straight out of a magazine or bridal show. We are so grateful that we got to not only photograph this wedding, but take our kids with us for a week of fun in the …rain with sunny breaks. So don’t you dare take any of the sarcasm below as complaint — I’m just trying to be hilarious, k? Take it for what it is.
And now, brace yourselves —
’cause this post is long and photo-heavy. And again, as I do in most posts, let me apologize in advance for how many times I have to say the words “The Fives Wedding” to effectively be found in google searches. This GLORIOUS albeit rainyAF The Fives wedding (cryyyy) week had a lot of these two things at it:
- Drunk Canadians yelling variations of “fuck” out loud a lot (K k k k hear me out — apparently Nikki and Mike not only know 160 people they wanted to invite to their wedding, but actually 160 people who can AFFORD TO COME TO MEXICO FOR A WEEK, and they were only the tip of the drunk Canadian iceberg at this resort)
- Fake lips. I’m not saying fake lips are bad and don’t look great. REALLY. I’m just saying I saw a lot of them. More than I’ve ever seen in one place. They largely make me jealous, but SOMETIMES they make me really happy I haven’t injected foreign substances into my face. I’m also not saying the fake lips belonged to our party. I’M ALSO NOT SAYING THEY DIDN’T. Just saying. I saw a lot of money in peoples’ faces.
Pictured below are some drunk Canadians doing drunk things in the pool.
There many or may not be lip injections involved but it’s a little tough to tell from this angle. I don’t even remember what part of the fives wedding week (mrahhhh) this was. Pre-wedding? Post-wedding? During-wedding? Was there even a wedding? Are there even wedding photos in this post at all, SARA?
YES. THERE WAS A WEDDING.
And it wasn’t on the day pictured above. I know this for sure because the day of the wedding the sky was basically disgusting dark grey ALL. DAY. LONG. Like, the rain did not let up for more than 20mins, and only like twice. Pretty uncharacteristic for a week in Mexico in November. Theeee lamest. Fortunately, the indoor room for weddings (I believe it was called “The Wine Bar”) was super beautiful, so, the ceremony-inside-thing worked out okay. It was basically in the jungle, but air conditioned. See?
ONE MORE THING BEFORE THE MEAT AND POTATOES
before the photos of THE FIVES WEDDING (bleerrggghhh). Since it piss-poured all day, we were basically unable to do any beauty outdoor bride/groom portraits, so on another day Nikki and Mike put their wedding gear back on (minus makeup and that amazing headpiece) and we walked around the resort at liiiike 9am. So I’ll start with some of those.
Meh, that’s enough for now. I really loved those hammocks tho. Scroll through to the end of THE FIVES WEDDING (last time promise) for more of the better weather portraits. Now we get started with the chillest bride ever, No-Pants Nikki and her gang of gorgeous no-pants girlfriends.
“Mom. I gotta fuckin’ dookie. That means I have to poop. I don’t have to actually poo right now, but that’s how to use the word, right?”
One of Nikki’s girls gathered video clips of friends from back home who couldn’t make it wishing her well, because she thought every bride should begin her wedding day by bawling uncontrollably. 
Speaking of BALLING uncontrollably, check. out. these. rings. Frig.
“Mom can I have another peanut butter marshmallow square? No? Aw, fuck. I knew you were going to say that. Well tell me when I can.”
SEE BELOW – no pants. I don’t feel like she’s an all-the-time no-pants Nikki. Just on this morning. And I lovvvvvve no-pants-morning bridal style. Love. LOVE.
LOL THE BOUQUETS.
I FORGOT ABOUT THE BOUQUETS. They were not small. Also the florist was apparently ultra allergic to them and had to get an anti-histamine from one of the girls in the wedding party because hives. oooops. #worthit
UM, CRY. Flower girl’s crown and shoes. crrrryyyy
“UGH, it is taking SO FUCKIN’ LONG TO GET TO NO FRILLS” (it is literally 4 blocks from our house and we were DRIVING there)
As usual, the scene was a little different over with Mat and the dudes.
I don’t even have anything to say about this. I wasn’t there. I feel like it speaks for itself. Drunk Canadians and such.
LOL.
Drunk Canadians.
OH, and this guy.
Back at the girls, the Mother of the groom was showing how to make a circumcised penis out of a hotel towel.
And then it was time to get down to business.
If you follow us on instagram, you’ve already seen the dress with the wings. It’s this one. And the moms attached them to the dress and it was so beautiful and I was basically crying.
And then the reveal to the girls, and to her dad. And I’m not going to caption the ones of her dad because I’ll be too busy sobbing. So.
Mike’s turn.
and again with Nikki’s damn dad like I JUST CAN NOT
apparently neither can Mike.
There were monkeys casually hanging out in the trees outside the ceremony room. NBD.
She’s just doing a bit of light reading before going in.
Because when in all-inclusive-Rome… be a drunk Canadian?
OMG DADDDDDDDD stop it I’m dying
I haven’t mentioned yet – before you get married in Mexico, you have to get tested for STIs and to make sure you aren’t related by blood to the person you’re marrying. LOL. LOOOOL. Awkward. Then you have to do some finger print stuff.
BUT THEN YOU’RE FREE TO BE MARRIED YAYYY
Little kids are always super cooperative during wedding photos.
“We have the cutest fuckin’ baby in the world, right Mom? Robin is soooooooo fuckin’ cute!”
It got dark real quick. Fortunately, if you have yourself a THE FIVES WEDDING (I promised there’d be no more and I lied I cannot be trusted) there are a lot of options for doing pics not only in the dark, but under covered spaces where you won’t get rained on!
Ugggghhhh the beautiful lights!
Nikki’s nephews. Just-a-swingin’.
Reception time! This party was supposed to take place by the fucking pool by the fucking beach. The Beachside Pool. Under cabanas and shit. But RAIN. RAIN FOREVER. Thunder. Lightning. Damnit. So we had to finish the things in this … big white room. Meh. It was fine. The party did not suffer. Just the photos. Oh well. Drunk Canadians give no shits.
LOOK it’s me trying to put my baby to sleep and take photos at the same time. lolol.
Feels were felt.
Shirts removed.
Drinks drank.
Tables mounted.
AND THEN IT WAS OVER. Here’s better weather.
Byeeeeee
Venue: https://www.thefiveshotels.com/sensual-weddings
Photography: http://matandsara.com LOL not redundant
